


A Fine Man Keeps Fine Traditions

by distantattraction



Category: Gintama
Genre: Birthday, Established Relationship, M/M, Sazae-san Aging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 16:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18854554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distantattraction/pseuds/distantattraction
Summary: On his loved ones' birthdays, Kondo always makes sure to give them one kiss for each year of their life. Hijikata has come to dread it less and less each May.





	A Fine Man Keeps Fine Traditions

**Author's Note:**

> Alternatively titled "27 Kisses, Starring Katherine Heigl"
> 
> Happy thirteenth twenty-seventh birthday, Hijikata-san! Omedetoushirou!!
> 
> I'm a bit late, but at least it's still his birthday month. Love you, mayo man!

The first summer after he joins Kondo's dojo, Hijikata learns that he has a tradition for the birthdays of people he cares about.

“Kondo-san!” Sougo yells as he approaches the dojo doors. “It's my birthday today!”

“Is that so?” Kondo says, beaming. He ruffles Sougo's hair. “How old are you today?”

“I'm seven!” He grins, looking expectantly up at Kondo.

“Isn't that a lucky number! Well, let's get practice started.” He turns around, and Sougo's face falls. His eyes go wide when Kondo pivots and kneels in front of him. “Just kidding!” Kondo says. He leans in and kisses Sougo seven times all over his face, leaving the boy absolutely glowing with joy. “Did you think I would forget?”

“You tricked me, Kondo-san! You made me think I got too big for it.”

“You're never too big for Kondo Isao's birthday kisses, Sougo. Now, let's get to work!”

“What a weird tradition,” Hijikata mutters as he picks a wooden sword off the rack.

“Don't be jealous just because he hasn't kissed you,” Sougo says, his voice absurdly smug for such a tiny kid.

“I'm not jealous!” Hijikata replies. “Just thinking about how sad it is that your brain is gonna rot from all the stupid he's transferring into your head.”

Sougo swipes Hijikata's feet out from under him. Hijikata growls from the floor. He leaps up to make a counterattack that is stopped only by Kondo giving them each a solid thump on the head.

“Now, now. Save it for sparring, you two,” he says with a wink.

 

A few days later, Kondo is in the middle of correcting Hijikata's stance when a thought occurs to him. “That's right. When is your birthday, Toshi?”

Hijikata frowns. “I'm not telling you.”

“Come on! You're a member of the family now. We have to celebrate! Is it coming up? Is it in the fall? You don't seem like a summer baby.”

“I don't have a birthday,” Hijikata says, his body stiffening up to match his voice.

Kondo grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him loose. “Way too tense. You want to be more fluid. And if you don't tell me when your birthday is, I'll just make one up for you.”

“Do whatever you want.” Hijikata gets himself back into position, centering his weight.

Kondo stands beside him, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Okay then. Your birthday is... today! Get ready to get smooched, Toshi.” He grins, approaching Hijikata with his hands poised to grab him again.

Hijikata is fast, but Kondo is faster. He throws his arms around Hijikata's chest and plants a solid kiss against his temple. Hijikata struggles, but Kondo has more muscle than he does. He gets a good three kisses in before Hijikata finally admits defeat.

“May! It's in May.” His face burns with embarrassment.

Kondo doesn't let go of Hijikata. Instead, he rests his chin on the top of his head. “Already passed, huh. What day?”

Hijikata elbows him in the stomach, eliciting a yelp of pain as Kondo releases him. “The fifth.”

Kondo rubs his tender stomach and smiles at him. “The fifth of May. Okay.”

They resume training. Hijikata's face stays red for the rest of the session.

 

May comes around, and Hijikata wakes on the fifth to what feels like a grim set of options. He could go through his day as normal, hoping Kondo doesn't realize what day it is, but that sounds like a plan doomed to fail. He could skip practice today, but he lives at the dojo, so it would be exceptionally easy for Kondo to track him down. He can straight up run for it and take refuge in the woods until midnight, but that leaves him open to accusations of cowardice from Sougo.

Hijikata sighs and gets dressed. He's stuck with plan A: pretend it's not his birthday and get caught anyway.

To his surprise, Kondo doesn't say anything at all during practice. Hijikata gets through all two thousand of his practice swings unburdened by any foolish birthday celebrations. Smiling to himself, he heads to the kitchen for dinner.

As soon as he enters the room, crackers go off and confetti fills the air. “Happy birthday, Toshi!” Kondo booms. Mitsuba's “Happy birthday, Toushirou-san,” is quieter, while Sougo's birthday greeting doesn't come at all. Dread fills Hijikata's heart as he looks at the cake on the table. They're making a whole production out of it.

“It's just a birthday,” he starts. “It's not a big deal.”

“It  _ is _ a big deal!” Kondo says, throwing an arm over his shoulders. “We have to celebrate you!”

“I really don't--”

“How old are you turning?”

Hijikata keeps his mouth shut. This is it. This is his last bastion of hope. He's gonna have to defend this knowledge with all he's got, because otherwise--

“He's seventeen today.” Hijikata looks at Mitsuba like this is the greatest betrayal of his young life, which certainly feels accurate right now. “Oops!” she says, covering her mouth with a hand. “So sorry, Toushirou-san,” she says, but she doesn't look sorry at all.

“Seventeen kisses it is!” Kondo says.

Hijikata resigns himself to letting it happen. The heat rises in his face with every kiss, and he's sure he's never been so embarrassed in his whole life. At the table, Sougo stabs the cake with a fork and glares at Hijikata, who starts to feel very glad he's far out of reach on the other side of the room.

After what feels like an hour, the seventeenth kiss is over. Hijikata stumbles over to the table, falling into a seat beside Mitsuba. She carefully cuts him a slice from the side Sougo hasn't demolished. He looks down at it, still light-headed and mortified.

“If we're gonna have cake for dinner, is there at least any mayo for it?” he asks, distressed.

Mitsuba laughs as Kondo tosses him a bottle of mayonnaise with a bow tied around the neck. “I'll make the yakisoba now,” she says. “I just wanted to take part in the celebrations before cooking.”

Hijikata is looking resolutely down at the slice of cake he's covering in mayonnaise, so he doesn't notice Mitsuba leaning toward him until she's already pressed her lips to the top of his head. He whips around to look at her, spraying mayonnaise across the table. Her ears are red as she walks toward the stove.

“Mitsuba-dono! That makes eighteen!” Kondo protests.

“It doesn't count if it's from me!” she calls back.

 

The first time Hijikata turns twenty-seven, Kondo gives him his birthday kisses in the cafeteria. During breakfast. In full view of every officer at headquarters. He manages to get through twenty-six of them before Hijikata punches him so hard that Kondo goes flying through the wall and into the kitchen, landing in the giant pot of miso soup.

That morning, there are an awful lot of giggles in the ranks as Hijikata gives them their daily reminder of the Kyokuchuu Hatto, so he punctuates each article of the code by slamming an offending officer's face into the ground.

When Kondo comes to his office that afternoon, all beat-up and puppy-eyed, Hijikata has no mercy to show him. “Don't do that in front of the men,” he says, pointing aggressively into Kondo's face. “It's bad for discipline.” Which is true. He had had to discipline so many people that day.

“But it's good for morale!” Kondo says. “My morale.” He grins and plants one last kiss squarely in the center of Hijikata's forehead, quickly backing up to get out of his reach. “And that's twenty-seven! Happy birthday, Toshi!”

When Hijikata sits down to start working on paperwork, he grips the pen so hard it snaps in half. Kondo always manages to get the better of him on his birthday.

 

On the morning of his ninth twenty-seventh birthday, Hijikata wakes up with a little bit of dread in his heart. It's not a question of whether or not Kondo is going to kiss him today. He has long accepted that nothing short of one of their deaths will prevent Kondo from carrying out his tradition. No, the problem is whether or not there will be an audience for them. He doesn't want to have to kick Kondo's ass today. He will if he has to, but it's not his first choice for a birthday activity.

“Toooshiiiii,” Kondo sings from the hall. He throws open the door and sets off a handful of poppers. Hijikata watches, unamused, as tiny streamers fall to the floor. “Happy birthday!”

“Good morning, Kondo-san.” Hijikata stands and stretches. “It's unusual to see you up and about so early in the morning. It's not even seven yet.”

“It's a special day, so I set a special alarm! If I slept in, I wouldn't have been able to give you your present.” Kondo approaches him, and Hijikata stiffens, waiting for the press of Kondo's lips against his face. Instead, Kondo throws his arm around Hijikata's shoulders and says, “Surprise! You can take the day off! You should go out and enjoy yourself.”

Hijikata narrows his eyes. “And who exactly is going to do all the work I had planned for today? You? Are you going to write the reports I took because I gave up waiting for you to finish them?”

Kondo starts sweating visibly. “You should still take the day off...” he says again, but with much less confidence. He pauses. Hijikata watches a bead of sweat roll down his chin. “Yamazaki can write reports, can't he?”

“Pardon the interruption,” Yamazaki says, peering around the edge of the open door. He's sweating too. “Commander, if the Vice-Commander wants to do paperwork on his birthday, he should be allowed to do it.”

Hijikata shrugs off Kondo's arm. “I'd rather do the reports today than spend all day tomorrow redoing someone's poor work.”

“Was that jab aimed at me or Yamazaki?”

“Does it matter?” Hijikata flexes his hand. He's itching for either a morning smoke or a nice breakfast Hijikata Special. Or both. Hell, it's his birthday, he can have both. He pulls his cigarettes and lighter off his desk, taking a satisfying drag before addressing Kondo and Yamazaki. “You two go eat. I'll see you in the cafeteria. And don't be late for the morning meeting.”

Yamazaki scurries off with a “Yes, sir!” Kondo, however, doesn't move.

“What's the matter, Kondo-san? Did you already eat?”

“No, no. Just thinking about when to give you your other present.”

“What pres--” Hijikata starts, but Kondo grabs him by the face and presses their mouths together. It surprises Hijikata enough that the smoke leaves his nose instead of his mouth.

Kondo pulls back a fraction of an inch. “One,” he says with his mouth so close to Hijikata's that he can feel Kondo's lips brush against his own when he speaks. Kondo leans back in, flicking his tongue against Hijikata's lips so he'll part them.

Hijikata allows his eyes to fall closed. Kondo moves forward, guiding them through the room until Hijikata's back hits the wall. Kondo's tongue is gentle against his own, but insistent. His lips are smooth and soft for once. He must have put balm on them. The corners of Hijikata's mouth lift at the thought.

They make it to five pressed up against the wall of Hijikata's room. When Kondo takes a step back, Hijikata watches him, dazed. A sudden pain in his hand shocks him out of his reverie. He's been holding his cigarette so carelessly that it's burned his fingers.

“Is that all?” he asks, definitely not sounding disappointed or childish in the least. He nonchalantly taps his cigarette against the ashtray as Kondo grins at him.

“I'm saving the rest for later. You know, after the sun goes down, when we can really take our time.”

Hijikata flushes. He won't say it out loud, since he can barely admit it to himself, but he's looking forward to it.

 

The Shinsengumi celebrate Hijikata's birthday at dinner. There is a cake, there are dozens and dozens of ribbon-tied bottles of mayonnaise, and Sougo only manages to sneak in one bomb. Hijikata grabs the badminton racket out of Yamazaki's hands and smacks the grenade into the yard. Then he drops the broken racket into the trash where it belongs.

Honestly, Hijikata couldn't be happier. It's been a good birthday. He's had so much delicious, delicious mayonnaise (they iced his cake with it! Why wasn't anyone else having a slice?) that he's nearly forgotten Kondo's promised kisses. But as the officers head back to their quarters, Kondo follows Hijikata into his room.

Kondo has his mouth on Hijikata's before they even close the door. Hijikata's noise of surprise is swallowed up by the wet sound of kissing. 

Kondo doesn't ease into it. He's already going at a hundred percent, his kisses deep and unrelenting. They go for several minutes before Hijikata realizes he's having trouble keeping up. He's starting to get a little light-headed, but Kondo is relentless. Every time Hijikata pulls away, Kondo chases him down. He has to resort to pushing him off by the shoulders.

Hijikata stands there with his heart thudding loudly in his chest, a hand covering his mouth while he tries to catch his breath. “Quit it,” he says. “I can't breathe.”

Kondo leans in so he can speak into Hijikata's ear. “But Toshi, that's only twenty,” he says. “I still have seven more to go.”

Hijikata pushes him again, his face hot. “Seriously, Kondo-san, get off. ”

“Don't wanna,” Kondo says, bending over to rest his chin on Hijikata's shoulder. He wraps his arms around Hijikata's waist, clinging to him fully.

“How many times am I gonna turn twenty-seven, anyway?” Hijikata asks, sighing.

“What's the matter? Do you want more kisses next year? Maybe we can push it to twenty-eight.”

Hijikata turns the brightest shade of red he's ever been. “I-- You-- That's not what I meant!”

“You want the extra this year, then? Hmm, I don't know, Toshi...” Kondo scratches his chin, pretending he's ever been contemplative.

Hijikata scowls. “And what about you, Kondo-san? What are you going to do once we hit twenty-seven? You won't be able to kiss me again until midnight. Are you sure you're ready for that?”

Kondo's hand drops, as does his jaw. There is almost a full minute of silence before he cries, “Help, Toshi! I didn't think this through!”

Laughing, Hijikata takes a step forward and tilts Kondo's chin down so he can kiss him. Kondo kisses back, but reluctantly. When Hijikata lets go, Kondo frowns down at him.

“It doesn't count if you initiate it, right?” he asks.

Hijikata laughs again. “Sure, sure. We can negotiate.”

“Hmm.” Kondo's mouth twists into a funny shape with the effort of his thinking. Hijikata wants to kiss him again. “Does it count if it's not on the face?”

“Yeah. Those have always counted. I remember you kissing my hand at least once.” Like he was some kind of princess. Embarrassing. Dangerous, too; Sougo tried to cut his hand off after it happened.

“Oh... I guess a blowjob is out, then.”

Hijikata splutters. “What the hell were you thinking about doing?”

“Blowing you. But I think that would use up all the kisses we have left, so I guess I can't.” Kondo pauses, looking at Hijikata as he decidedly avoids eye contact. “Toshi, did you think I was going to let today pass without us having birthday sex?”

Hijikata puts both of his hands over Kondo's face and pushes hard. His head creaks back uncomfortably.

“You're still so flustered about it!” Kondo says, his voice muffled. “It's not like it's gonna be our first time. We're lovers! I love you, Toshi. Don't you love me too?”

Hijikata's hands fall, as does his gaze. He's blushing from the tips of his ears down to his neck. “Don't make me say it, Kondo-san. It's embarrassing.”

“Okay. We'll save that for  _ my _ birthday, then.”

“Kondo-san!” Hijikata looks up in distress, so Kondo takes the opportunity to scoop him up and drop him onto the futon. He kisses him again (twenty-one) and runs his hand along Hijikata's chest and stomach. When he gets below his waistband, he finds Hijikata already hard, though he's sure the man would have denied it if asked.

He uses two more kisses getting them undressed, but it's worth it to have their tongues in each other's mouths, Hijikata's hand on Kondo's cock, Kondo's hands on Hijikata's bare chest. He flicks his thumbs over Hijikata's nipples. Hijikata hums his approval and uses  _ his _ thumb to trace the head of Kondo's cock.

Hijikata tries to sit up, but Kondo pushes him back down. He wraps his hand around Hijikata's cock, lining it up with his entrance. “But--the prep,” Hijikata says, his voice jolting when Kondo lowers himself down.

Kondo closes his eyes, adjusting to the feeling of having Hijikata inside him. “I took care of it earlier,” he says once he's regained a bit of his composure. “I had a whole plan, you know, Toshi. I wasn't about to wing it on a special day.” He starts moving, setting a slow, even pace to start.

“I thought you preferred doing me,” Hijikata says, his eyes moving back and forth between Kondo's thighs, strained with the effort of moving his weight up and down, and the place where their bodies are joined.

“We can save that for my birthday too,” Kondo says, grinning.

Hijikata licks his lips. He doesn't realize he does it. “You know I'm not gonna make you wait all the way until September for that.”

“Aw, thanks. But I can't help but feel like you're not paying enough attention to what's going on down here if you're already thinking about next time,” he says. “Am I not putting on a good enough show? Should I try harder?”

“Maybe I'm just desensitized. We do see your junk all the time.”

“Yeah, but no one else sees it like this.” Kondo exaggerates his movements, spreading his legs a little wider, clenching a little harder. Hijikata makes a noise that isn't a moan, but could have been. Kondo smiles. Hijikata's eyes wander from his ass, over the hard planes of his abs, up to the soft crinkle of his eyes. Just because Hijikata doesn't like telling Kondo he loves him doesn't mean it isn't true.

It's work to maintain his position, so after a while, Kondo closes his eyes and leans forward, shifting from trying to make it look good to picking up the speed. Hijikata lets him do it for about a minute before he sits up. The change in balance surprises Kondo, who finds himself pushed onto his back with Hijikata leaning over him. Hijikata thrusts into him, aiming for his prostate.

He finds it. Kondo lets out a low groan of pleasure. “You weren't trying to touch it at all while you were on top of me,” Hijikata says, moving his hips steadily as he talks. He's not trying to hit Kondo's prostate with every thrust, but he is trying to get it a lot.

“Because it wasn't about me,” Kondo says. It seems to take a lot of concentration for him to speak. The moans come out a lot more easily than the words.

“But I like it when you feel good.” Hijikata wraps his hand around Kondo's dick, stroking it in time with his thrusts. Kondo grabs the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. “How many is that?” Hijikata asks when they part.

“Twenty-four.” For a man who rarely bothers paying attention to detail, Kondo never forgets how many birthday kisses he's given.

“Three left, huh. Guess we better make them count.”

Kondo buries his face in Hijikata's neck in lieu of kissing him again. He inhales deeply, taking in the scent of cigarette smoke that clings to his skin, layering there over his natural musk. He grips at Hijikata's shoulders, holding them close.

Hijikata keeps one hand on Kondo's hips and the other on his cock. Kondo gasps whenever Hijikata's hand skates up over the head and moans when his cock bumps against Kondo's prostate. He's slick with precum now. He digs his nails into Hijikata's back.

“I'm close, Toshi, faster, I-- Yeah, right there, right--” Kondo stops talking, the words lost to a long groan. Hijikata strokes him as he comes, keeping his pace even until Kondo finishes. His hips still when Kondo goes soft in his hand. He knows from experience how overly sensitive orgasm can make you.

“Can I keep going?” he asks.

“Give it to me the way you want to.”

Hijikata frowns. “I don't want to hurt you.”

Kondo chuckles, lifting his arm. He puts his hand on Hijikata's face, stroking his cheek with a gentle thumb. “Don't worry. You've never hurt me.”

Hijikata rests his hand over Kondo's, feeling its warmth for just a second before pulling it away so he can lean in to kiss him. 

“That one doesn't count, right?” Kondo asks, smiling.

“It doesn't,” Hijikata agrees. “And neither does this one.” His kisses have gotten sloppy, but Kondo doesn't seem to mind too much tongue or saliva dripping down his chin.

Though he feels close to coming too, Hijikata takes it slow so Kondo can have time to recover. Besides, it feels good inside him. It would be a waste not to spend as much time like this as possible. Only once Kondo is hard again does Hijikata really get to work. He alters his speed, throwing a slow, deep thrust in for every two quick, shallow ones. Kondo rolls his hips too, matching Hijikata's timing and coming up to meet his thrusts.

He holds Hijikata so that their faces stay close to each other. Kondo holds off kissing him the way he usually would, but Hijikata finds the heat of Kondo's breath against his lips distracting. It would be so easy to kiss him like this. If he just stuck out his tongue, it would touch Kondo's lips. He imagines how Kondo would look if he did it: surprised and indignant, but too busy feeling good to really get mad. It's a nice image, but the Kondo he has lying beneath him is cute too. He's got his eyes closed and his mouth half open, taking shaky breaths as Hijikata pushes into him.

Kondo licks his lips, and Hijikata gives into temptation. He does like kissing Kondo, likes having their bodies intertwined in as many ways possible. Kondo's eyes open in surprise, but he doesn't miss a beat when it comes to kissing back. They don't break apart until Hijikata thrusts particularly deeply, making Kondo moan into his mouth.

“I really hope you're enjoying this as much as I am,” Kondo gasps. “Because I am enjoying this a lot.”

“Are you kidding? It's always good with you.”

“Even that time I got covered in chocolate?”

Hijikata snorts, his forehead falling onto Kondo's chest to hide his smile. “Even that time. You're lucky that didn't ruin sex for me.”

“Well, I wanted to make Valentine's Day special. Since you like me so much.”

Hijikata presses his lips to Kondo's for a quick peck. “Yeah, I do.”

“I like you too, Toshi. And I would really like to make you come.”

“Inside?” Hijikata asks. For all Kondo's prep work, he is very aware that he didn't put a condom on him when they started.

“If you want to. It's all about you today. So if you want to come inside or on me, you should.”

“I'm gonna get spoiled if you keep doing this kind of thing for me, you know.”

“Good!” Kondo says, bringing his hands up to cradle Hijikata's face. “Be spoiled. You never let me spoil you at work, so you should at least let me do it in bed.”

“Whatever gets you to stop messing up the paperwork,” Hijikata says fondly. He pulls one of Kondo's hands back down to the sheets, where he laces their fingers together. His hips slowed down while they were talking, so Hijikata picks the pace back up. Beneath him, Kondo bites his lip, stifling his moans. Hijikata lifts his free hand and runs his thumb gently across Kondo's mouth. “Don't do that,” he says, leaning in to kiss him. “I like hearing you.”

Kondo chuckles. “Pervert.”

“How mean,” Hijikata says, but he's much more focused on rocking his hips into Kondo than anything else. Kondo's hand finds its way to his cock while Hijikata finds his prostate. For a while, the only sounds in the room are slick flesh against flesh and increasingly labored breathing. Then Kondo kisses him.

Hijikata briefly raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Two left.” he says. He doesn't have a lot of focus to waste on words.

“Yeah,” Kondo says, speaking between pants. “You know I... like to... to kiss when we come.”

Hijikata's mouth crashes into his, all lips and tongue and teeth as he delves into him. Kondo is making sounds into his mouth, and his tongue is hot against Hijikata's, and suddenly his cock is pulsing in Hijikata's hand. Hijikata loses all sense of rhythm as he comes too, warm and thick inside Kondo. He collapses on top of him, trying hard to catch his breath.

Kondo has never minded Hijikata's weight on him, but as soon as Hijikata lifts his head, Kondo grabs his chin to guide him into a lazy kiss. “Happy birthday, Toshi,” he says.

Hijikata frowns. “Where's my last present?”

Laughing, Kondo presses his lips to Hijikata's forehead. “Twenty-seven! There it is.”

The frown deepens. “You only had one kiss left, and you used it on my forehead?”

“Yup! Looks like you'll have to be the one kissing me until midnight.”

Hijikata tries to wear the frown a little longer, but the smile he's holding back breaks through. “I guess I'll have to take you up on that,” he says. And he will, later. Later, he'll pepper Kondo's face, neck, and chest with little pecks. He'll take his time, kissing him deeply against the pillows, nibbling on his bottom lip, tracing Kondo's scars with his fingertips. But for now, he is content to lay his head on Kondo's shoulder and rest.

**Author's Note:**

> On Kondo's birthday, Hijikata and Okita split the kisses evenly. It's a good thing he's been stuck at 28 for so long, because on odd years they fight over who gets to give him the extra.
> 
> Mitsuba used to get the birthday kisses from him, too. :)


End file.
